Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
