i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize