for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
