I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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