Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
