You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
