sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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