Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've blown a few things in my day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
