I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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