I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
