TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize