if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
