Tell her she can't have a vagina
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
