I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my liver is dry heaving
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize