Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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