So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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