before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize