Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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