I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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