i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
