omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
