my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
