Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
