i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
