He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
