You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
