pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
