I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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