Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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