my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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