I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
