I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
