You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
