come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
