So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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