Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
