your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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