I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
