The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
