hotel room ftw
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
