So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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