Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
