help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
