my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
