So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
