So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
