so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize