Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
