Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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