Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
