D3 body, D1 cock
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize