I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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