I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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