i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
