But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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