Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
