id be glad to
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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