Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
