I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
