i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
