we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
