I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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