Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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